When I was in 4th grade I would get off the bus and my dad would be home waiting for me with a snack and board game. This became one of the most special parts of my day; the couple of hours we spent together before my mom and brother got home. This wasn’t a formal regimen we had deliberately established. Instead, it was a simple routine we built over time. For me, this time was significant because I could rely on it and it was quality time with my dad. Those two things were all I needed to be excited about for the whole bus ride home.
Routines are something we all hear about in one form or another; morning routines, skincare routines, meal prep routines. We hear that we should work towards creating them in our lives, but why? Why are these seemingly simple systems so hyped up?
Well, routines help us move forward in an otherwise very busy life. The parts of your life that are predictable and consistent provide a framework and structure for all the other messy parts of your day.
This predictability and structure are hugely important for children’s development and well-being. Routines can be made for daily events, such as bedtime routines and after-school routines, or you could create long-term routines, such as Saturday movie nights or monthly chore days. Routines can be used to develop consistency during the difficult or less fun moments, like homework time and bathing, or they can be used to commit to an exciting occasion, such as Christmas at Grandma’s or ordering takeout on Fridays.
The guidelines around creating and using routines are flexible and should be customized to fit your family’s needs. As long as they are consistent and effective, the routines you decide to implement for your child will provide many advantages. The important thing to remember is the why behind following routines.
Let’s explore the benefits of providing routines in your child’s life.
1. Predictability 📆
Think about the last surprise you experienced in your life. Maybe it was something exciting, like an unexpected birthday party. Or maybe it was a negative event like being laid off or missing your flight. These unforeseen circumstances, whether good or bad, can be uncomfortable to navigate. This is because they were unpredictable and therefore we were not able to plan for them.
Because we are creatures of habit, we rely on predictability to feel secure, confident, and in control. When something happens to us unexpectedly, we lose those trusted and safe feelings immediately.
For a child, predictability is even more important. Think about if the course of an event in a child’s life changed without warning. Like, if they were planning on eating candy when they got home from school, but just as they reached for it their parent decided they needed to wait until after dinner. Although this is a completely reasonable guideline for a parent to make for their child, the unexpected turn of events can be difficult for a child to navigate. This may lead to tantrums, tears, and an explosion of upset. If the child was prepared ahead of time with consistent guidelines on when they can and cannot have candy, this may damper or even eliminate the frustration.
As a child, you already don’t have much control over anything in your life. You are relying on adults to lead you in the right direction, usually without much understanding or explanation
But when we give our kids a routine to follow, we are allowing them to be able to predict some things in their lives. When they can predict a future event, they start to feel a sense of security and confidence in their day. They have something they can rely on, which results in a sense of control.
For example, maybe you’ve established reading one chapter of a favorite book together at bedtime. This means there is no guessing how bedtime will go. Your child can not only look forward to the nightly routine but also know exactly what to expect.
2. Independence ✨
Since they know what to expect, they can start doing certain tasks on their own instead of relying on someone else to tell them what to do. This is the dream!
We all want our children to be as independent as possible. Routines are an amazing tool to help build their independence naturally.
Let’s look at that bedtime routine we’ve been talking about. Let’s say you’ve established that every night we take a bath, put on pajamas, brush our teeth and read a book. At the beginning of implementing this routine, you may need to provide some support for your child to follow through with the new regime. But after a while of consistent follow-through, you should be able to fade your support.
You may notice your child gets their pajamas on without you having to tell them. Or they pick out the book and are ready to read without any prompts from you! This is because they know what to expect and now have the confidence to complete the next task without guidance.
Make sure to encourage this independence by fading your prompts and providing lots of praise throughout the process!
3. Smoother Transitions 🚌
Another HUGE perk to following a routine is the ease of going from one activity to another, for both you and your child.
Sticking with our bedtime example, I’m sure many parents can relate to the struggle when “bedtime!” is announced to over-tired children who just want to stay up for 10 more minutes. I can already hear the exhausting negotiations being had.
Now, think about this same dreaded time of night but with an established routine in place. Everyone knows what time the routine starts. Everyone knows what tasks need to be completed and how to do them.
I’m not saying a routine will magically make your kids happily turn off the TV and start brushing their teeth, but following a routine will decrease the amount of time and effort you will spend negotiating, prompting, and overseeing these regular tasks.
Again, as long as you are consistent and following through, your children will learn there is no other option than to follow the routine.
4. Structure 🏛️
Routines are essentially roadmaps to help guide you through a particular series of events. They set up the rules, boundaries, and expectations for your child. This level of structure is highly important for your child to know what is expected of them.
With a consistent routine, these important guidelines are built into their day without much effort on your part. Consistency eventually creates automation.
Think about the habits you have in your life that you don’t even think about because they have become so routine. I’m sure you haven’t had to put too much thought into brushing your teeth or tying your shoes each day. That’s because over the years you’ve developed these daily habits to the point of automation. THIS is a wonderful benefit of establishing routines for your family.
This structure also provides a schedule for your child, which will align with their internal clock. For example, the ever-important bedtime routine could help ensure your child is falling asleep at a reasonable hour each night. This will, in turn, help create better sleeping habits and ensure they receive enough rest for the next day.
You can use these routines to establish healthy habits for your child, like brushing their teeth every night or completing their homework after school. When you build these important tasks into a routine, your child develops the habit of doing them. As with any habit, they get easier to complete the more they are done consistently.
Now, you may already have routines in place without knowing it! Maybe your family has fallen into a habit of watching TV after school until bedtime or eating sweets and snacks before dinner. Think about if these routines align with your family’s values.
When building your routines, consider the important things you want your child to prioritize in their lives. Do you want more family time? Create a weekly family board-game routine. Do you want to ensure they complete their chores consistently? Establish a chore routine outlining the daily or weekly expectations.
I’m sure by now you are excited to reap these benefits and create the routines that your family needs most! Before you get started, take some time to consider the importance of consistency and follow through (I’ve mentioned these two KEY points many times). A routine is nothing without them!
As you create your child’s routine make sure you are going to be able to enforce it regularly. Otherwise, it’s not a routine at all.
Just like anything is parenthood, make routines work for you. This should be highly individualized to be most effective for your child and family.
If you want to dive deeper and learn how to build routines for your family, check out the FREE guide below!
Please comment below with any other helpful insights on why children thrive with routines in their lives. We love to hear from you!