How To Raise An Independent Child

We all want to raise confident, well-rounded, independent children. We want to make sure we, as parents, teach them all the necessary skills to prepare them to be successful people who can live and function on their own. That end goal starts with the lessons and experiences our kids have today.

Confidence and independence go hand in hand. We’ve all experienced the feeling of confidence and how it can give us the boost we need to take on the world! That euphoric feeling also fosters growth and independence in our children. When they feel confident, they feel able to do things on their own without fear of failure. This is the goal.

So, how do we make our kids feel confident and therefore more independent? Let’s dive into 5 steps on how to raise independent children.

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1. Reinforce Their Efforts 💗

We want to make our kids feel good about themselves, especially when they are learning and growing their skills. Use encouraging words to help your child understand that it’s ok for them to try new things on their own. For example, as they are learning how to dress themselves, make sure to tell them something that will motivate them to keep trying, even when it’s difficult.

You may say, “I love how you’re dressing yourself!”, or,  “Look at that! You put on your sock all by yourself!” It’s important to provide support, whether that’s while they are completing the task or once the task is finished- or both! Those encouraging words will help to let your child know they are on the right track for learning.

Remember, learning isn’t linear. There are going to be ups and downs and frustrations and successes. It’s important to teach our kids that although learning something new can be a rollercoaster, if you keep practicing, you can do it. This simple message will help your child gain the confidence to keep learning.

2. Fade Your Prompts 👏

Learning a new skill is difficult, no matter who you are. As your child starts to build their skill set, you may see them struggle a bit at first. This is when you may need to jump in to help, or prompt, to show them how to work through this new skill. If they get frustrated, help them just enough to allow them to complete the task on their own instead of doing it for them. Since the end goal is for our children to be independent, it’s important we allow them to complete the task by themselves, even if we have to help them a bit.

This is called prompt fading. We want to always be using the least intrusive prompt possible that will still result in a successful outcome for our kids. Meaning, we don’t want to do the task for them, but we can find ways to help them along so they still learn how to complete the task independently. Over time, as your child’s skillset grows, you should continue to fade your prompting so they are doing more and more by themselves

For example, if your child is trying to fit a puzzle piece into the puzzle board, but they aren’t quite getting in, try saying something like, “I wonder what would happen if you turned the piece around”. Saying this, instead of doing it for them, gives them enough of a “hint” to be successful while still allowing them to complete the puzzle independently.

There are many different ways to prompt a new learner, such as physical prompts and verbal prompts. Figure out which prompting method is most suited to your child and the task at hand. The prompt should encourage independent task completion. Completing a task independently is a huge confidence boost for your child. It will encourage them to continue to try new things on their own

3. Create Opportunities 🤝

There are so many learning opportunities throughout your child’s day; figuring out how to unzip their coat, determining the correct angle needed to pour milk into a cup without spilling, or navigating through uncertain social situations. Each of these opportunities is a chance for your child to learn how to accomplish their goal by themselves.

There are also a variety of ways in which you can encourage independence by contriving these opportunities. For example, include your child in everyday tasks such as cooking, cleaning, getting dressed, etc. If you need to chop veggies for dinner, maybe your child can wash them for you. If you’re cleaning the living room, your child can hold the dustpan while you sweep. Giving your child age-appropriate tasks will help instill a level of responsibility they can focus on and master to independence.

A simple way to give your child ongoing opportunities for independence is to establish routines throughout their day and week. The goal isn’t to overwhelm them with tasks, but to structure parts of their day in a way that creates consistency and eventually, independence! Check out this free guide on how to build routines into your child’s day 👇

4. Time and Space 🕒

While it’s important to set up learning opportunities for our kids, giving them the freedom to explore and learn on their own terms is equally important. Let them discover and try to figure things out by themselves. Create a safe environment for your child to explore their world independently. This can be one of the biggest avenues for learning. If you think about how we learn new skills as independent adults, it’s usually through trial and error- probably after googling how to do it 😉

Independence is about being resourceful and learning to rely on yourself to find out a solution. Giving your child the space to do this will set them up with a skill set that will help foster their independence for the rest of their life. 

When you notice your child is struggling to do something, give them time to figure it out independently before stepping in to help. We all learn new skills by trying, so if we step in too soon to “help” our kids, we are depriving them of the time and space they need to figure it out by themselves. 

5. Understand Your Child 🧠

Every one of us is different; which means we all have a unique set of skills, abilities and learning styles. Take some time to reflect on what your child already knows how to do independently versus the things they may need help with. From here, you’ll know how to further guide them toward reaching their full potential of independence.

There are four main categories of skills your child should have when working toward their independence. Let’s look at a few specific examples for each category, based on your child’s age.

Knowing these general guidelines, as well as understanding your child’s individual skill set and ability level, will help you determine what you should be expecting from them and allowing them to do.

Bonus Tip! Set Them Up For Success 🏆

Don’t expect your child to do something that is too far beyond their age level or skill set. This will create frustration and discouragement for them. Find ways to promote independence within each task. If your child isn’t able to pour their milk, you can still have them get the cup out and hold it on the table while you pour.

All children have the ability to be independent and successful in many areas of their lives. It’s our job, as the adults and teachers in their life, to help build up the confidence and skills needed to accomplish anything they want to do in life.

What are some tips and tricks you have used to help your child become more independent? Comment below to help our community grow!